I was driving alone to church one day to preach. I was full of zeal, eager to serve the Lord and proclaim the truth.
Photo by Ronan Furuta on Unsplash
However, a sudden discomfort struck me in the middle of driving: my hands began to shake uncontrollably, the world around me started spinning, and my heart was racing. I could barely grip the steering wheel.
So I pulled over and turned off the engine. Inside the car, it was just me, my panic, and the dizziness.
At that moment, the sense of panic, confusion, and helplessness overwhelmed me. The time ticked away, yet I couldn’t even make it to church.
I got out of the car, and then the symptoms eased considerably. But when I decided to set off again, the trembling, dizziness, and racing heartbeat all returned.
A sense of helplessness seized me. I could not help but ask myself: I was on my way to serve the Lord, but why do I have to suffer this? Why hadn’t God kept me safe on the way to church? Why do I have to face this?
At that moment, like many others, I was trapped in an ancient yet hidden temptation.
Back in Genesis, the serpent tempted humanity to question God’s goodness. The lie was simple: if God were truly good, God would not withhold anything people desired; if not, then perhaps God wasn’t as loving or faithful as we believed. “If God is really good, why would God keep from you the fruit that is pleasing to the eye?”
This temptation affects us all the time. It leads us to habitually measure the goodness of God by our own standards: if all my desires were satisfied, then God must be good; when life didn’t go the way I wanted, then God’s love and faithfulness were not enough.
The image of Jesus in many films and paintings is often tall and handsome, with love and wisdom in His eyes. We believe that’s how we imagine God’s son should look.
But Isaiah 53:2 has revealed clearly, “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.”
We tend to imagine Jesus and see the goodness of the Lord according to our own preferences and secular values. Yet we never realize that what we imagine is often far from who Jesus truly is.
The “goodness” in our eyes is equivalent to a smooth life, a life free from suffering, and every desire fulfilled.
However, Jesus’ goodness is completely different from what we think it is.
Jesus has not promised those who follow clear skies and smooth roads. But Jesus has promised help in trouble, strength in weakness, peace in affliction, and a hand to lift us when we fall.
That day, when I was alone sitting in my car, I could do nothing but pray. My prayer began with frustration and confusion. But as I quietly looked to God, my heart gradually grew calm, with God’s light gradually illuminating my heart.
God turned this unexpected situation into the chance to personally transform my misunderstanding of God’s goodness.
I finally realized that we always define God’s goodness by circumstances and experiences. Yet we forget that God’s goodness is not decided by what God has done for us, and God’s faithfulness is not measured by whether our desires are fulfilled.
God remains good, loving, and faithful regardless of circumstances or human feelings.
Jesus knows exactly what was in my heart. Because Jesus loves me and wants me to know Him not through my feelings or circumstances, but through His unchanging nature.
Only then can I truly praise the Lord even in suffering, because I praise Him not because my wishes have come true, but for the unwavering goodness.
Therefore, I will no longer doubt God’s goodness and love simply because God does not always act as I expect.
That day, I was eagerly expecting a miracle from God when I was in the car. But after going through it all, I know that even though no miracle happened that day, God’s love for me does not change.
Isn’t it a miracle to have such a realization?
I no longer judge God by my circumstances. Instead, I seek to know God through the truth of God’s Word and to understand God’s goodness. God’s goodness has never been what we imagine it to be.
Original source: Tian Feng, No. 561 (September 2026)
Author: She Yeli
Translator: Bei Yu
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